dEaD_seXy

       My dream is to finish my studies and left my hell house and go to another place, live there and have my own very happy life. I dont need them so i can feed myself if i finish my studies and get a permanent job. I want to go abroad to forget my past,the past about my family and all the nightmare. It is my dream to go to japan and work there. I like the place and the people their. I want to escape from the problems and full of criticism family, my father and all the people who feels me down.

       My dream is to have my own happy happy happy peaceful family. I want to have two kids and husband that is so kind and loyal to me.I want to a have a simple life.

       My dream for my family will be i want my father to change his bad attitude and hoping he will leave his second family and treat that we are important and special to him. That my brother his sick will be cured and my little sister that she will finish her studies. I will saw them happy and i know it wont be happy anymore.

          A dream that someday it will come true..,…

      I found my hope in you!!my very bestfriend. She always give advices and she always make me laugh and smile. Everytime i gave up she always make me strong instead she gave me advices that i should continue my life and never mind those people who criticize us and make me down. I idolize her so much because she is hard working girl, she work and also study, she dont even feel tired going to our house.because i text her if i have a problem. I really found the real hope in her!!a hope that i will never give up in any challenges and trials that i encountered in my life. I dont feel hopeless when she always talk to me about our future that she always telling me that even she is poor it is not a hindrance to her to pursue her studies,that patient, work hard and pray to God is all we need. She is the reason why i am here and continue believing myself.

     I am inspired and make my hope a hundred percent because of her inspiring words that she gave me and a hug that is so tight..tsk…

            the worst side of me is that i am sensitive and i always get hurt and i am a very emotional one. My heart breaks when i saw my father happy with his new family and i commit suicide. Because im a jealous and insecure one. I hate people seeing happy, that it doesnt mean i am "self-fish". That i want to kill and slap them..

            I lost hope if God will not grant my prayers..i am a  believer of God and i do also believe in evil..I like reading books about SATAN..I am different because i am weird my friends describe me..I like also being alone in a place..I always blame God that i have a life like this..I am worst because of my attitude that even dog can’t eat my pride.I am selfish and a bad girl..I dont have a self-confidence, i always cry when i get hurt, i am a bad bad girl because i have a lots of vices i do smoke and drink hard liquor and i do also take marijuana when i was in high school. THat i am numb, that even my father always scolded me that i dont even listen to him that i make "bingi-bingihan". I cant blame myself because i dont love me.I am worst of all..