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I do not know how I really feel right now. I have mixed emotion, I feel depress, alone and self- pity. I want to cry all night long for a reason. My father did not fully pay my prelim examination and what is on my mind now is that i will be out of school soon. Why? Because I know he cannot pay my tuition fee. I feel hopeless in my studies right now. My father did not do his best to pay my tuition fee or even lend to his officemate or to his family clan, all he did is just he want me to lend to my classmates money and support his second family. I feel self-pity and I feel like out of this world, out of my family world duh?!. I want him to be supportive in my studies and also want him to courage me in my studies all he did is the vice versa of what I said. I am twisted and I feel my head will gonna crack of this grave problem i have. I want to finish my studies and that is my goal.
I feel jealous when my father has more time to his second family than to the original one and it is me. It is so difficult for me to have a family like this. It won’t be like this if my mother is still alive. I hate my father so much, he is so dumb and numb. He don’t even feel what I feel right now. I am shaking and I want to kill him! I want him to know how difficult i feel and i want him also to realize that he is wrong choosing the other family.
If I have given a chance to talk to God, I will tell and ask God to make me happy and contented and appreciate the family of what I have now. I will ask God and tell him to change my father’s attitude and realize his mistakes.
