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My expectation in this year 2007 will be more grace/blessings come into my life. I am expecting too much from my family, I want them to change their attitudes, support me in my studies , my father will also have a time for me nor to his second family. There will be no more fighting within our family, no selfishness, no more neglect and I am expecting that there is “Love” with us. I want my father, my brother and his family to convert to catholic because they have their own religion one is Baptist and Jehovah and  I am the only one who attends in Roman Catholic. No more cockroaches in my room because I always wonder why they so many cockroaches in my room however I always clean my room.

        I never expect anything good about our country and there will be no changes happen because, As I know that we are in the list of the poor country. We are in poverty, so we can’t stop it. Population is always getting bigger and bigger, crime is always there, typhoon, corruption and money is one of our biggest problem nowadays. How can we pay our debts to our from other country? If we have a government doing “extracurriculum”  (corruption).

                       I do not know how I really feel right now. I have mixed emotion, I feel depress, alone and self- pity. I want to cry all night long for a reason. My father did not fully pay my prelim examination and what is on my mind now is that i will be out of school soon. Why? Because I know he cannot pay my tuition fee. I feel hopeless in my studies right now. My father did not do his best to pay my tuition fee or even lend to his officemate or to his family clan, all he did is just he want me to lend to my classmates money and support his second family. I feel self-pity and I feel like out of this world, out of my family world duh?!. I want him to be supportive in my studies and also want him to courage me in my studies all he did is the vice versa of what I said. I am twisted and I feel my head will gonna crack of this grave problem i have. I want to finish my studies and that is my goal.

                  I feel jealous when my father has more time to his second family than to the original one and it is me. It is so difficult for me to have a family like this. It won’t be like this if my mother is still alive. I hate my father so much, he is so dumb and numb. He don’t even feel what I feel right now. I am shaking and I want to kill him! I want him to know how difficult i feel and i want him also to realize that he is wrong choosing the other family.

                    If I have given a chance to talk to God, I will tell and ask God to make me happy and contented  and appreciate the family of what I have now. I will ask God and tell him to change my father’s attitude and realize his mistakes.